Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
