did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
