He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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