so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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