you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
