I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
