He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
