I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
