I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize