youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
