My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
