If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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