Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
