Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
we should paint friendship bongs
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize