Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
