I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
