I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She said her name was "party"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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