I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
