today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
