no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
