I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
