The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
