I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize