first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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