I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize