just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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