A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
