At least make sure they are 18
Why
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
