Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
