I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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