Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
