nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
