Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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