u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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