Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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