What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
