they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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