my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
