What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
kristin has been a bad kristin
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
