billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
