There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
