so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
never play flip cup with pint glasses
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just had sex on a roof
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
