I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
