we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
