apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
