i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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