I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
