The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize