Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
