Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
