Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
