Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
