Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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