so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
