honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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