Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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