Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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