dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
