i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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