dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
