After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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