I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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