You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
