I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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