marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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