Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
