last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
love makes seman taste better
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Boobs speak an international language.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
