I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
