it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize