It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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