I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
