sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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