just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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