you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So much rum. So many feels.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
