so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
