i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
