I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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