I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
