Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
