I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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