she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
