I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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