So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
