my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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