i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
