You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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