i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We're too hungover to prance.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
