12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
