I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
