Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
