why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
