Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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