i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
this just has baby written all over it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize