Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
