I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
