Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I am one with the molecules
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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