at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
