Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize