We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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