She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
