I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i dont even know how to be here
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
