I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
