Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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