The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize