Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
