when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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