I think my fart just growled at me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
