Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
