I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
