I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
