obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize